Scanned image of Andrew's column in a Danish newspaper

The things they say...

‘Neither FIFA nor its President have anything to hide, nor do they wish to.’

Blatter press release, 28 January, 2003

BBC Panorama Reporter Andy Davies:

‘A one million franc bribe … is it not correct that Mr Blatter asked that it be moved to the FIFA official who was named on the payment slip?’

FIFA Director of Communications Markus Siegler:

‘If you do not stop now, then we call the security and we put you out.’

FIFA Press conference, Zurich, Tuesday, 11 April 2006

‘I am deputy chairman of the finance committee of FIFA. I oversee a budget of US$2 billion and I have never seen one iota of corruption.’

Jack Warner, Trinidad Express 12 December 2004

‘Lying and deception and bad faith are standard operating procedure at FIFA.’

Adam C. Silverstein, a lawyer for MasterCard in their successful action against FIFA, New York, December 1, 2006

‘I do not believe a Jew can ever be a referee at that level (Argentine Premier League) because it’s hard work and, you know, Jews don’t like hard work.’

FIFA senior vice-president and chair of Finance Committee, Julio Grondona, 5 July 2003. Buenos Aires

‘FIFA is a healthy, clean and transparent organisation with nothing to hide. There is huge public interest in FIFA, therefore we have to be as transparent as possible. We will try to communicate in a more open way so the world can believe us and be proud of their federation.’

FIFA General Secretary Urs Linsi, January 2003, on fifa.com

More worries for Queen Margrethe

By Andrew Jennings

Saturday October 10, 2009

Frederick! Come into my study! I was so ashamed watching your press conference on TV. Why did you dodge all the IOC corruption questions? What have your new friends done to your sense of honesty? I brought you up to tell the truth.

Mama! Tell the truth about the IOC? Are you crazy?

I’m the Monarch my boy and never forget that. And I see more trouble ahead. They say the Russian economy is a disaster and they may have problems paying their share of the winter games in Sochi in 2014.

It will be OK Mama. Trust the IOC.

Frederick! Get real! Be straight with me - will you IOC clowns have to foot the bill if Russia goes belly-up?

I’m sorry Mama, I’ve sworn a solemn oath – with my hand on the Olympic flag - never to criticise any IOC decisions.

I didn’t ask what games you and your little friends play in the Olympic sandpit. I want to know, will I have to sell Bornholm to Sweden to bail out Mr Putin?

I’m sorry Mama, I have to refer you to my previous answer.

I’m also reading stories about human rights abuse in Sochi – ordinary people evicted from their homes to make space for luxury hotels. Will you speak up for the victims?

Mama, I refer you to my previous answer. We must never criticise the IOC - or our dear friends the Oligarchs who have promised to pay compensation. They share our Olympic values.

Frederick, I refer you to my previous question. And if you spout any more of those idiot Olympic clichés, I might begin to think its best to jump a generation and let your little boy run this country – one day.